A fork in the road and in my case it is not a fork but a huge big round about with different paths leading off into separate directions. I’m facing a big decision that I need to make to a deadline which has not be set by me.
Today I think that I need this blog more than any day previously. Since the phone call from work, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our round about fork in the road.
If I were to stand in the middle of the traffic circle and look down one road, it would show me staying in our current house and making do with the room that we have. When I turn clock wise to my right the next road along show us selling our current home and building our new one.
The next road on my right shows me staying at my current job, working till the second week of January and going on maternity leave for at least 12 months after which I would return to work on a part time basis.
Then next road shows me nominating to take the redundancy package being offered leaving my secure job to face life as a SAHM until our funds run out, forcing me back into the work force on a full time basis.
The decision that I need to make today is to let my Team Leader know my intensions, do I want to stay or do I want to go? If this was offered to me whilst pregnant with Jordy I would’ve taken it, with no reservations. Today however, is a whole different story because of our intention to sell this house.
My heart is not set on building as I’m a firm believer that if it is meant to happen then it will. The universe will provide a direction; I just need to be open minded.
What would it mean?
If I say yes to the package there is no guarantee that I will be selected. But if I said no then there is the possibility that I will regret that decision.
8+ years is a long time to be with one employer, but is it time for me to move on? Perhaps only the universe knows.
If I got the redundancy package it would mean that I would have a years worth of mortgage payments (possibly more), it would also mean that we would take the house off the market and would not build a new one. It would also mean that I could possibly start a whole new career.
What is the problem?
I want it all, that is my problem, I want to sell this house and build our new one with the nice big back yard and room for all of us. I want to stay at home for a year and I want the money that this package is offering. That is the problem and that is what I think that I need to get over. I need to get over the fact that I want it all and I wish with all my heart that the universe could provide us with all. The universe may but the bank will not lend me money if I’m no longer employed.
Decision
Before we started trying for number 3, I asked the universe: “should I stay at my current job or should I leave”. The universe provided me with the answer “STAY”, because I fell pregnant on our first OI cycle to twins.
With the news of the twins, whilst a shock and a blessing I do remember distinctly turning to Tim and saying “The universe would not be giving us this precious gift of twins with out some sort of plan to help us. It would not set us up to fail or loose our house”. With all my heart and soul I still believe this.
So will I take the package or not?
I think that I will let the universe decide and finally I’m ok with this decision.
Mari – continue to have faith that the universe will provide.
Friday 28 November 2008
Wednesday 26 November 2008
The appointment
I had the appointment with the psychiatrist the other week and it left me wanting. I felt as though I was given the brush off, “your doing just fine”, “your already doing the things that I would suggest to you” and “if you need to speak to people use your support network and see your GP”.
On one hand I’m glad that I got the reassurance that the preparation that I’ve started to do is “the right thing”. But on the other, I still have a lot of anxiety about these babies being healthy and able to come home with me.
I’m currently booked into the same hospital as I was with Jordy, the hospital is about 5 minutes away and has a country hospital feel about it, you know welcoming, caring and professional. It is a private hospital and I’m looking forward to having the babies there. My concern is that because it is a small-ish hospital the level of nursery care is low.
They have a level 1 Nursery – which entails basic life support for neonates. My OB also delivers at another hospital (where I had my gall bladder removed) this one is about 30 minutes away and has a Level 3 Nursery.
A level 3 nursery is also known as a Special care nursery; Where they Manage babies born >32 weeks gestation with minimal complications and small babies growing up. Facilities include humidicribs, cardiorespiratory monitoring, IV fluid therapy, tube feeds and phototherapy.
The closest NICU is about 45 minutes away and my OB does not deliver there, so it would mean a new Dr, and I’m not even sure that I would be able to see one that is recommended.
So the big question I’m facing is: Should I stay at this hospital or move “just in case” there is a problem? Then I think, perhaps I’m making a big deal about this.
The psychiatrist could see that I needed to have a plan in place, but here I’m trying to plan for something that is totally out of my hands. My gut feeling is telling me to stay at my current hospital and if the babies are really that unwell then they will be moved and cared for. My private health insurance cover all the care that they may possibly need.
A great friend also suggested that I ask my OB for his opinion. Knowing how this pregnancy is progressing, what would he recommend?
I admit that I’m not coping very well this week, Jordy has not been himself and the past 2 days he has woken from his afternoon nap with a 39.5 degree temperature. I’ve been to the Dr twice but there is nothing wrong with him.
This whole situation has got me so anxious, I’m literally chasing him around the house with the thermometer. I have to wonder “am I making myself feel this way for attention”, or “am I just a drama queen”.
On one hand I’m glad that I got the reassurance that the preparation that I’ve started to do is “the right thing”. But on the other, I still have a lot of anxiety about these babies being healthy and able to come home with me.
I’m currently booked into the same hospital as I was with Jordy, the hospital is about 5 minutes away and has a country hospital feel about it, you know welcoming, caring and professional. It is a private hospital and I’m looking forward to having the babies there. My concern is that because it is a small-ish hospital the level of nursery care is low.
They have a level 1 Nursery – which entails basic life support for neonates. My OB also delivers at another hospital (where I had my gall bladder removed) this one is about 30 minutes away and has a Level 3 Nursery.
A level 3 nursery is also known as a Special care nursery; Where they Manage babies born >32 weeks gestation with minimal complications and small babies growing up. Facilities include humidicribs, cardiorespiratory monitoring, IV fluid therapy, tube feeds and phototherapy.
The closest NICU is about 45 minutes away and my OB does not deliver there, so it would mean a new Dr, and I’m not even sure that I would be able to see one that is recommended.
So the big question I’m facing is: Should I stay at this hospital or move “just in case” there is a problem? Then I think, perhaps I’m making a big deal about this.
The psychiatrist could see that I needed to have a plan in place, but here I’m trying to plan for something that is totally out of my hands. My gut feeling is telling me to stay at my current hospital and if the babies are really that unwell then they will be moved and cared for. My private health insurance cover all the care that they may possibly need.
A great friend also suggested that I ask my OB for his opinion. Knowing how this pregnancy is progressing, what would he recommend?
I admit that I’m not coping very well this week, Jordy has not been himself and the past 2 days he has woken from his afternoon nap with a 39.5 degree temperature. I’ve been to the Dr twice but there is nothing wrong with him.
This whole situation has got me so anxious, I’m literally chasing him around the house with the thermometer. I have to wonder “am I making myself feel this way for attention”, or “am I just a drama queen”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)