What is my passion?

On the weekend just passed I went to my first ever concert and it was just awesome.  I had goose bumps all throughout the performance.

The next morning I was still with my group of friends and one in particular was saying how she was just amazed at the passion the band showed on stage.

So then we went around the table asking each other what they are most passionate about in their life.  I had already talked about my love of writing this blog and my still unfinished stories. My friend assumed that this was my passion.

But as I was sitting there on Sunday morning hung over looking out on a beautiful Melbourne I started to wonder “What is my passion?”, “What am I most passionate about my life?”

I was stumped, I had no idea and I still don’t, this is why I writing this post.

The things that came to mind when thinking about my passions were:

·         My kids and family
·         My best friends
·         Writing my blog and my stories
·         Reading all types of books
·         My job
·         Painting
·         Sewing
·         Dancing
·         Music
·         Gardening
·         Travelling whether it is camping or travelling in style
·         Photography
·         Nature whether it is mountains the ocean
·         History
·         My Hungarian heritage

I had to wonder though as I mentally made this list if the most important thing I should be passionate about is me.

This one thought kept on going through my mind and it would not leave me alone.

I don’t know if that is the right answer because at this moment it does not sit well with me and think that it is because I’m still not “there” yet.  What is “there”? It is reaching a clear understanding of who I am and appreciating myself and feeling completely worthy.

Out of the list above though is it so hard to choose, my kids and my family will always be in my life and I think that my passion should be about me personally.

When I think about Gardening, nature, camping & photography they can be grouped “Nature”. Anything that relates to Nature takes my breath away.  The most peaceful times in my life have been me sitting somewhere outside in a valley between two mountains, next to a creek, next to a lake on a beach, in a boat on the middle of the lake or sea. It doesn’t really matter where I am I just sit and I all the beauty.

So whilst my gut feeling says that Nature is my passion in life.  I think that my heart is telling me that my passion should be me, maybe one day soon it will be.

For those that stop by and read this blog, firstly thank you and secondly why do you share with me “What is your passion in life?”

Was the universe trying to tell me something?

I recently had surgery it was unexpected, unplanned. But I have to wonder if the universe was telling me something that I may not have been ready to hear or ready to acknowledge.

You know how you sometimes hear about stories where peoples life is heading down a path and the universe, god may give these people a little nudge.  These people ignore that nudge and then the noise gets louder until one day something really drastic happens and the universe says “See I told you to take notice, now you have no choice”.

This happened to my dear cousin Imi, he lives in Hungary and is now forever in a wheel chair.  He admits now that he was a workaholic, a few months before his life altering accident my cousin got very ill with pneumonia and this is a guy that never ever caught a cold. He was the absent father, he would be up at like 4am and then back at home after dark 6 sometimes 7 days a week.  He would travel from Hungary to Austria everyday where the pay was better.

Imi’s wife begged him to slow down after the pneumonia but he didn’t.  His occupation was a foreman on those huge big construction sites. On that fateful day he fell from the top of the building and broke his lower back. I took the loss both his legs to make him stop and realise that work, money was not everything and not the meaning of life.

So I have to wonder if this whole surgery was the universes way of saying “Um Mari, you need to stop and take notice.  Mari you need to stop!!”

My husband had already started calling me a workaholic with the amount of hours I was spending at work.  I was able to easily justify all the hours saying that we needed the money to help with the bills. But seriously who am I deluding?

I was and still am so caught up with my work that even from my hospital bed I was checking my work emails. I even went back to work earlier than my doctor’s orders, you see in my mind I had valid reasons for this return and it was nothing to do with the money. 

Dear universe I heard you loud and clear, I will start to put myself and family before work. I heard you loud and clear!