3/10/1958 to 7/12/2013:
My Eulogy:
For those that do not know me my name is Maria and I am Ildiko’s younger sister. When I received the shocking news that Ildiko had passed away, I couldn’t believe it Ildi was only 55 years old and she had so much life left to live. On that fateful day when I was driving over to see Frank and the girls I had an overwhelming sense that I would be standing in front of you all talking about my sister. Ever since then I have been plagued day and night with random sentences of what I would say today.
Nothing could have ever prepared me to write this Eulogy, so I turned to the only source that could perhaps guide me on the appropriate words to say. Yes I googled. I was immediately bombarded with various examples and more information that I could handle.
In the past 2 weeks I have re-written this Eulogy many times even today, I started documenting Ildi’s life chronologically, but somehow that didn’t seem right. I then started to a last letter to my sister, but that was not right either.
Instead I put on some Hungarian music that I know that she loved and let Ildi guide my fingers on the key board.
Firstly I like to thank all of you for coming here today and even though today is tragic and a day that we will never forget. I hope that everyone here hold can hold their heads high. Ildi would have wanted us to celebrate her life and be strong for Frank and her two beautiful daughters.
I have so many wonderful memories of my sister. My brother and I were indeed blessed to have an older sister like Ildi. Even though there was 17 years between us and she was married and moved away, she was still so much part of our childhood and she was always there for me. Like the time when Ildi used her day off from work to take me out for a fun day of shopping when I was having a difficult time at school.
Growing up I used to get teased that Ildi was not my real sister that she was my “half-sister”. This would hurt me deeply because in my heart she was my sister, there was nothing half about it. I was always so proud that I had an older sister and I idolised her.
Ildiko lost her father tragically through a car accident at the tender age of 3, it would be 10 years later that once again her life would change drastically, when my mother remarried and she was adopted by my Father.
At the age of 14 Ildiko immigrated Australia. As a shy girl that knew no English she started at High School at Camberwell High. Our father told me that he will never be able to forget feeling guilty for having to leave lldi at school that very first day, I mean here was his new daughter being left at a school where she had no friends and did not speak the language, no wonder our father cried all the way back to the car.
This however did not phase Ildiko, she took every situation in her stride and met every challenge head on. I believe that it was through her early childhood experiences that made her the strong woman that many of you came to know and cherish, I know I did.
Ildiko loved learning and she thrived at being a student. Within 3 years of arriving in Australia, Ildi finished high school and commenced working fulltime at the Egg board in Port Melbourne whilst studying part time to become a Laboratory Technician and then she further studied to become a qualified Microbiologist. We should not have been surprised when Ildi after serving 25 years at Farm Pride Eggs she went back to school to further her education in a completely different field and fulfil her lifelong dream of becoming a nurse.
Ildi taught me that “There is never a stupid question, that you ask as many questions as you need in order to find the answers you are seeking.” So I did, I asked my questions to help learn and grow as an individual. Would you believe that at work I am known to always ask questions, to the point where recently I was told jokingly that I ask too many questions?
I learnt how to be an awesome mother from my sister. I was 14 years old when Ellie was born and I think I almost lived there on the weekends. I am still surprised that Frank and Ildi didn’t change the locks on me as I was over the all the time. I learnt how to change nappies, feed, bath and care for a child. More importantly I learnt how to shower a child with love.
To me Ildi was the poster woman for a Super Mum, she worked full time, raised two beautiful girls, had a life outside of work, knew what it meant to have work life balance, and eventually she studied part time.
I’m sure like most of you will always remember Ildi’s dinner parties. It was rare that a month go by where we didn’t go over to Ildi’s house in Ferntree Gully for dinner. I learnt how to prepare for an event, how play Gin Rummy and Hungarian Cards, and more importantly I learnt how to ensure that guests felt welcome and comfortable.
We always knew that there would be a feast at Ildi’s and her cooking rivalled even our mothers. But I always secretly looked forward to her Pavlova. Ildi made the best Pavlova I have ever had. Later in life after I had married and would host an event at my place and I would always ask Ildi to make her Pavlova. How much am I going to miss that Pavlova!
I don’t want to paint the picture that our relationship was always rosy, every family have their difficulties and I can’t help feel robbed that the last 6 years of Ildi’s life we had become estranged. A dear friend recently reminded me of this. We will never have the chance to bridge the gap in our relationship and this continues to fill me with regret. However those differences and hard feelings do not seem important now as I know my sister loved me and I loved her dearly. Frank you were right things could’ve been a lot worse.
Even through her death Ildi is still teaching me important life lessons, like family and those that are considered as family are more important than any petty differences you may have. That living life with love and forgiveness of family, friends and oneself is better than holding onto the past. So I choose to remember Ildi the way we were in the photo’s that you will see, sisters, friends, family.
Was Ildi perfect? No she wasn’t, no one is and more importantly neither am I. But she was the prefect wife to Frank, perfect daughter to our dear mother, perfect mother to her girls and a perfect sister to Joseph and I.
Will we miss her? Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she will be dearly missed.
It is cruel that Ildi was taken from her the love of her life Frank so suddenly and from her beautiful daughters. Ellie, Tina, Ildi may not be with you physically on your wedding day, or when you welcome your children into the world. But she will always be with you in spirit and if you need to see her then all you have to do is look in the mirror and see her within both of you.
Ellie, you have Ildi’s eyes, her strength. Tina you have her flamboyant curious spirit. Your mother is within you, and you will never be truly alone.
Goodbye my dear sister, may you rest in peace, look down from heaven above and know that you will forever be in our hearts.
