Wednesday 26 February 2014

The true person

People show their true selves in many forms, it is what you choose to do with that truth that really matters.

It is in a touch of a friend on your arm when you are grieving.  It is the kind word, look for a dear friend when you are upset.  It can be the smirk of a person sitting in front of you when you are talking.  It is in their eyes when you are trying to say something important.  It is the words that they say to you when speaking. It can be an expression on a person’s face when they think that no one is watching.  It can be the words they use to describe themselves “I am a bad friend”, “I am a lazy friend”, “I’m not good at keeping in touch with people”, “I can be selfish”, “I have a short temper”, “I anger quickly”, “I have a big heart”, “My friends are important to me”, “I don’t make friends easily” or “I have a large mouth”.

It is important to be awake enough, be present enough, centered enough to listen to what people are really saying and showing of their true self.

I learnt this the hard way.

Six adults and seven children staying on a house together for a summer break.  The ages of the children range from 1 years old to 13 years of age.  It is a hot summer, sun shining, no clouds and dry heat.  The wonderful house is situated in a tiny river inlet which connects to a large river, with 3 families we have two boats that are used to waterski, fish, and simply enjoy a summer by the river.

It was explained on the first hour of arriving at the house that when the 1 year old sleeps no other children (or Adults) are allowed near the bedroom, just in case that baby is woken from her sleep. This rule was strictly enforced to the other six children. The children understood the rule and the other parents ensured that their children were kept quiet when the baby was sleeping. 

The oldest girl becomes quite ill for being exposed to the summer heat and not drinking enough liquid.  She suffers from heat stroke and the next day she spends as much time as she can sleeping, drinking and resting.

The oldest girl is finally asleep in the house and the other children have been kept occupied outside in a blow up pool.  The baby is awake and is making a lot of noise, crying, screaming and carrying on.  A 4 year old girl enters the house and starts calling out to her brothers.  The mother of that child automatically tells the child to mind her manners as her friend is sleeping as she is ill.

The mother of the one year old asks her friend why is there a need to be quiet, when it is explained that there is a child sleeping in the house, the mother of the one year old shrugs her shoulders and continues to play with the one year old.

What struck me in that moment was the profound disrespect that I witnessed with that “shrug” and her facial expression.  It was “I just don’t care if there is another sleeping child”. I was shocked, bewildered and angry for the disrespect that this woman displayed.

The memory of that shrug and facial expression will remain with me.  I am not deliberately holding onto a negative memory and the way it made me feel because I want to keep negativity in my life. There was a moment in time just a moment between seeing the shrug and the rush of feelings when I saw her true self and knew then that my friend was no longer required in my life.

I hold onto that memory as an example of when to trust my true self, my heart that what I was seeing was the truth.

Tuesday 25 February 2014

A pause

I am devouring anything and everything I can get my hands on to help understand what is the Law of attraction and how to bring more positivity into my life.  Books, movies, audio tapes and youtube videos are my source of inspiration. I am watching youtube clips whilst I am working, listening and working away.  When I hear a message that I need to take note I have this word document open that I write phrases.

This was one such phrase from an interview between Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah:

When you find yourself in a new situation or circumstance in life experience.  Everything that requires healing is going to rush to the surface.  If you don’t take a minute to breath to gather yourself to pray, you will do what you have always done. So you got to be clear enough, grounded enough, centred enough to say “How am I going to handle this, this time”.  So the lesson is PAUSE.

What I find amazing is how the universe speaks to me directly.  About 2 weeks ago I was working from home on a Tuesday and I am working closely with a lady in Sydney.  I had been warned that this lady was  little difficult to work with.  I mentally shrugged off the concerns because I was now living the life on the secret path and was positive in all aspects of my life. 

So I thought.

I was responsible for completing certain sections of a document we were both working on and I was doing a brilliant job.  On this Tuesday I was happily working away as normal when this “difficult” person told me that she would be completing the same sections of the document but for a different vendor.  I was shocked and felt my heart miss a beat.

HELLO! BANG! SMACK! 

I sent a simple “ok” and tried to move on, because as I said I am walking the path of the secret and I am positive in all aspects of my life. My mind would not stop churning though and I decided to have a break and I went outside and sat on the step of the kid’s cubby house. 

My thoughts kept coming and most of the were positive. I was congratulating myself on a great job of not reacting, of being the bigger person and staying positive and for not trying to control my work.

So here I am mentally patting myself on the back for a job well done, for ticking off the “Yes I am being positive card” when I see this tiny little butterfly, I will never forget that moment.  This butterfly would've been the size of a 10 cent coin and it was a beautiful mauve colour with royal blue towards the body.  It landed 30 centimeters from where I was sitting.  It felt like the whole world had stopped in that moment.  All thoughts of work and the “difficult” person left.  So I paused, really paused and watched the butterfly flutter around my back yard.


When I went back into my study and reread the conversation I had with the “difficult” person, I felt happy and gratitude, in that moment I knew just new that I had finally stepped on to the right path because instead of being hurt or questioning “why” or trying to control or cracking the shits.  I truly let go and was grateful for the help.

Monday 24 February 2014

Missing piece?

Reading and watching “The Secret” has literally changed our lives, it teaches you to live positively and simply ask for “what you want”.  Know that you are part of the universe actually it is more than that we have the same energy as the universe around us.  “God / universe” is within us.

Reading “The Magic” has taught me to live in gratitude for everything that you have in your life.  I haven’t finished reading the magic.

Daniela (my kinesiologist) recommended the Abundance 21 day course, where it has taught us how to remove the “clutter” that is within your house and within your life to make room for abundance and prosperity. 

Peace from broken pieces has taught me that no matter where you are in your life, your past issues will always present themselves for healing.  That the issues I am facing head on now are written in my DNA and were contracted before my birth.

It has been over a month since we watched “The Secret” I know this as Tim and I signed and dated the “The Secret cheque”.  We are living with the law of attraction, everyday we give thanks to what we have.
I have to wonder though if there is something more than the law of attraction, not that I doubt that the universe will provide.  I just have to wonder if our path is linked to being at peace with our lives. Tim said to me the other day “Until we get rid of all the negative relationships we have in our life, then the universe will not hear what we are asking”.  For me this rings very true!

I have to wonder if “the secret” team are aware that the law of attraction is not enough on its own.  That someone has to be open to receive, that the person has healed or is healing the past blockers.  If it is in the movie and the book then it didn’t get through.


But it will now.  I am so happy, bursting with joy all because I know my worth and have cut negative influences out of my life.

Sunday 23 February 2014

Books, books and more books

My husband’s best friend’s first girlfriend introduced the love of books to me, when she recommended that I read a Sci-Fi fantasy series.  I was hooked and fell in love!  Oprah when she first started her book club always said that you give a book 50 pages.  There have been books that I have purchased from my favourite author read the first 50 pages and put them down.  But generally I know what genre of books I like so it is rare that I read one that I don’t like.

My book shelf was overflowing and I even had many boxes of books in the shed when I bought myself a kindle, from bonus cash cards received from my employer for a job well done.  I love my kindle, I have 188 books on there and I have read about 70% of them.  I still occasionally by paperback books but mostly they are on my kindle.

I started of reading Sci-Fi fantasy about the worlds of magic, dragons, dwarfs, elves and humans.  Then moved onto magicians and time travel, I was heavily pregnant with the twins when a dear friend of mine lent me the Twilight saga.  They were my saving grace, my escape from the pain and discomfort of Braxton –hicks and generally being pregnant with Twins.  When Jordy was at child care I would be camped on the couch getting lost in those books.

That introduced me to the love of Young Adult Sci-fi, I still read adult sci-fi but my love is now YA. Most times I have 2 books on the go, one for the train and one for when before I go to sleep, which is usually some historical romance novel that I have purchased. I have always felt embarrassed about admitting to reading historical romance/romance, perhaps because it does have details sex scene that if filmed would be classed as porn. I just loved a well written story that makes me feel.

When 50-shades of grey came out and I didn’t understand what all the hype about that book was about because I have certainly read more graphic exploits over the years.  I saw past all the sexual details to the real story which was what kept me reading the whole series. 

In the past 2 years I have read “Self-help” books, and spiritual books. I have spoken about reading “The Secret” and “The Magic”.  Yesterday afternoon I finished reading “Peace from broken pieces” by Iyanla Vanzant, I have another post about an insight that is forming in my mind.

My mother was and still is an avid reader but she was not allowed to teach me to read when I was a child due to her strong Hungarian accent.  I know that I have inherited the love of books from her; it is a shame though that someone other than my mother first gave me a book and said “here try this”.


I am passing the passion onto my kids but this time I am breaking the cycle of neglect and sitting with Jordan (eventually Rylie and Lilly) to listen and be part of his journey with the written word. 

Wednesday 19 February 2014

Friendship…the last step?

I don’t remember the year, but I do remembeponse fr the circumstance.  My Tim’s best friend was dating a girl.  They started dating before I met my Tim, actually I met my Tim through his best friend.  He was the catalyst for us being together.

I do remember that we were married at the time because I remember living in our house. 

So my husband’s best friend was dating this girl and my friendship with this girl was weird.  When I say weird, what I know now is that I would not have been friends with this girl if she was not dating My Tim’s best friend.  We got along, we made lots of memories together but really we were friends that became that way because we were shoved into a group situation because we both loved men that were best friends.

For some reason there was a falling out between this girl and myself.  The reason for the fall out was obviously not important because I don’t remember it.  What I do remember is that at the time, my Tim was still invited to his best friends place and he went a few times. 

So with the falling out between this girl and I, not only did I lose that friendship, I lost the friendship of his best friend, but my Tim didn’t stand up for me.  I was not invited, not allowed to go over to their place.  For some reason I became the “bad” person.

Fast forward to 2005 and a very similar situation occurred.  This time my Tim’s best friend was dating another girl and we had a falling out over DVD’s.  The difference with this girl was that I feel in love with her.  I just loved her honesty, her sense of humour and her heart. We didn’t speak for a year, the girl and I (over DVD’s), even after I had helped her find the location for their wedding, I researched places, booked appointments with reception halls.  Spent weekends driving her around to all the places.  I did all that because I loved my friend. 

So when we didn’t talk for a year it hurt me, but I always had faith that one day maybe one day we would work our way together and that faith paid off because we did come back together and the past 8 years was filled with happiness, joy, celebration and wonderful memories.

During the time that the “wives” were not talking, my Tim was again still invited to visit his best friend because he needed help moving house and once again I was the “bad” person, because I was again not allowed to visit and I was not invited over to their place.

When you know better you do better!

What I know now is that I allowed myself to be the “bad” person, because I didn’t believe in my self-worth and because I didn’t believe my husband didn’t believe, so he didn’t see anything wrong  with still going over to be with his friend and leaving me alone. Even at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with it either, because I didn’t know any better.

This past Christmas break we went away together to a wonderful place.  The trip should’ve been joyful like it had always been. But the seams had started to unravel, because I was stepping into myself worth.  There was an incident during our trip where my friend accused my Tim and I for not looking after her child.  For allowing her child to go hungry, her child was continuing to only ask for her mother and my Tim and I were busy looking after our own 3 children. 

My Tim started to argue with her and it could’ve escalated to something significant.  But I put a stop to it, at the time I was attempting to just keep the peace as this was the second day of a 7 day trip. Now I know different.

The universe continued to show me signs, whispers as they say.  I just didn’t get it because I was not open to it.

Our trip ended up being stressful but also at the same time wonderful because the kids enjoyed themselves. 

Later in January this on Facebook my friend posted this picture:



It is a wonderful positive affirmation and the words are very true.  At the time my instinctive knew, I just knew in my gut that she did not post that thinking of me.  So what do I do? I thought that I was being cheeky in saying “Yes this is you and me”. How wrong was I, that 
I didn't listen to that voice! I got no response for that message.

When you know better you do better!

Yesterday my friend decided to not come over to our place to celeraate the twins birthday, simply because she was dieting.  Sure my initial invite was for a BBQ, but that is beside the point.  The reason being given to NOT celebrate my twins birthday was because they were on a diet they didn’t want to come over.

NOW

This finally was unacceptable for me.  For her the diet was more important than coming over and celebrating my twins 5th birthday and because now I know my self-worth and because now I am awake and on the righteous path.

Yesterday many text messages were exchanged and I am so grateful for my lesson learnt.  I sent “What is typical is your continued belief that this treatment is acceptable.” She sent “Why are you like this? I feel like I can’t win with you.”  My initial response to that message was “Well I know that I will never be good enough for you”.  Just that thought…that thought that I know that I will never be good enough for her was my biggest moment and this has me so very excited.  I do know my worth and I am worthy of a fulfilling friendship and I am worthy of being a cherished friend, simply because I am me.

My dear Tim decided to step in and take responsibility, my initial reaction yesterday was “NO…NO NO NO I don’t want to be the “bad” person any more”.  I began to realise that I had allowed this situation to occur.  RIGHT then I remembered the times that this occurred with my Tim’s best friends girlfriend/wife and that my husband did not respect me enough to stand up for me.  This was not the fault of my Tim, this was my own self-worth screaming at me. 

So my Tim called his best friend and let him know that this treatment from his wife is no longer acceptable and that we would no longer be going away with them.

Now if that is not proof of his love me for then I don’t know what is! My Tim was willing to break a 20+ year friendship all because NOW I know my true worth.


Part of me is sad but I am not debilitated from the loss of this friend.  I am grateful for the friendship but more importantly I am grateful that I know my worth.

Monday 17 February 2014

Money

My relationship with money is the goal for 2014.  Improving our relationship with money will be an easy journey but one of enlightenment.
I am excited, happy and blessed with this time in my life!  I am bursting at the seams with gratitude for my life lessons and with gratitude with right now.

So I recently completed 3 years of company finances for my husband’s company. I learnt something so profound that it has been a few days to process before I could really write about it.

Our belief was that 2012 & 2013 was a constant struggle for us.  We lived pay cheque to pay cheque, I dodged calls from banks, creditors and just lived in thought that we were struggling.  It even got that bad that just this past Christmas I didn’t even have enough money to buy the food for Christmas Day; my darling mother not only came to my house for Christmas day but bought all the food that we ate.  I didn’t even have enough money to buy food for our holiday from 26th December to 2ndof January 2014. My mother gave me that money also.

So here is my rock bottom, Christmas 2013 I had a Christmas tree with gifts for all my kids. I was traveling away for a week with friends to a beautiful place with no money.  None. 

What I have learnt over the last month is that our belief that we were struggling became true.

BUT

This is the biggest BUT and this is what I learnt when I finally did the Company finances, we were not struggling; the amount of money coming into and out of our house was and continues to be substantial.  We never struggled, we never had struggled. When I say substantial I am saying that in a financial year we spent over $171K on various things. That is no small amount of money and that is all money that had come into our house, this was not credit as our credit card had been cancelled due to being over the limit.

We never went without fresh milk or fresh bread. We all had enough clothing.  We had various holidays, weekends away.  My kids’ activities were provided, the boys did AUSKICK, Lilly did dancing and they all went swimming.  Child Care was paid for (late but paid).  School fees were paid again late but paid.

In our minds Tim and I thought that we had no money.  We struggled; we lived pay cheque to pay cheque.  We have bad credit. Learning from the secret was that you say you are struggling with money the universe says “Your wish is my command”.   

I was astounded with the raw figures. As a Business Analyst I am used to analysing figures and raw data and they never lie.  NEVER.


I am grateful to “The Secret” and I am grateful for my lesson learnt and I am thankful for the raw figures, because they never lie and the truth is that we didn’t struggle we never have. What we are is wealthy and prosperous! 

Friday 7 February 2014

Day 3 Magical Relationships

Tibi



  1. Thank you for being in my husband, because you have always accepted me as I am and love me unconditionally
  2. Thank you for your brutal honesty, because it always provides me wisdom when I need it the most
  3. Thank you for your child-like excitement, because it brings so much happiness to our lives
  4. Thank you for being my partner in life, because you support me to work full time
  5. Thank you for being an awesome father to our children, for they are truly blessed to have you there as comfort and support.

Anyu




  1. Thank you for being my mother, I am truly blessed that I picked you because you love me unconditionally
  2. Thank you for all your support, without you working fulltime is eased.
  3. Thank you for coming to help at a moment’s notice because I know that you will always be there to support me
  4. Thank you for your golden heart, because you have provided me with the tools to aspire to.
  5. Thank you for your love because my childhood was rich with your abundance of love


Zsuzsi




  1. Thank you for your friendship, I am truly blessed to have you in my life
  2. Thank you for holding my hand when I was upset when I lost my babies, your support was what got me through some tough times
  3. Thank you for your laugh, because it always brings me joy
  4. Thank you for your big heart because I know that you are always there for me
  5. Thank you for your acceptance because it has always given me the courage to be my true self with you.



Monday 3 February 2014

18 Years

Nearly forgot to mention that it is our 18 year Wedding Anniversary today.

I am truly blessed to have my husband in my life.

Throw away stone

I struggle with negative thoughts, I am sure that most of you do, here is what a new friend told me to do, and the beautiful Daniela expanded the ritual for me: 


  1. Find a common rock, pebble, stone whatever appeals to you
  2. Sit down in a quiet place
  3. Breath deeply in and out
  4. Hold the rock in your hand and concentrate on the negative thought.
  5. Focus that negative thought into the rock – for me I imagined all the negative thoughts and feels associated was gathered in a black cloud and then I imagined that cloud moving from my head down my arm into my hand and then eventually into the rock. 
  6. Once you feel as though all the negative vibes of that person or event has gone, then place the rock in water.
  7. Go to the garden with the water in the rock and firstly thank the water for absorbing the energy and then sprinkle the water onto a plant
  8. Take the rock out and place it in the garden, whilst thanking the rock for taking the negative energy away from you. 
You need to repeat the above steps the same time every day for a month.  I did this last night and I felt the rock getting really hot. It was amazing to feel.  Now when I think of that person I do not feel anything.  No despair, no sadness nothing.